Fallout over White House fly assassination

A reader quipped in response to my post yesterday that he thought "President Obama was against capital punishment." My return quip was a throway sarcastic line about how mad PETA was about it.

That was before I found out that PETA really did issue a statement on the "execution:"

But now People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, calling it an "execution," wants the commander-in-chief to show a little more compassion to even "the least sympathetic animals."

"Believe it or not, we've actually been contacted by multiple media outlets wanting to know PETA's official response to the executive insect execution," a blog on the group's website explained. "In a nutshell, our position is this: He isn't the Buddha, he's a human being, and human beings have a long way to go before they think before they act."

The group has sent Obama a device that traps a fly so it can then be released outside.

"We believe that people, where they can be compassionate, should be, for all animals," PETA spokesman Bruce Freidrich explained.

And Iowahawk reports about a lawsuit filed in connection with the assassination:

The widow of the housefly murdered by Barack Obama during a recent CNBC television interview announced this morning that she would be filing a wrongful death suit against the President in federal district court. The plaintiff brief -- citing pain, suffering and loss of income -- seeks a formal apology and compensatory damages, including an unspecified quantity of shit.

"Bob was wonderful husband and provider," said the widow, Mrs. Vivian Vvzzvzwwzzz, wiping tears from her compound eyes. "Even though he was always busy at the Rose Garden turd pile, he always flew home in time to tuck in our maggots."

The 17-day old widow said the grieving process since the murder has taken its toll.

"Although it's been nearly 48 hours, I still get an empty feeling in my thorax everytime I think about it," she said. "I feel like I've aged an entire week. Mating season is over, and here I am, stuck trying to raise 532 larvae on my own."

Vvzzvzwwzzz described the "abdomen-wrenching horror" she experienced while watching the President casually assassinate her husband during the live broadcast.

"It was just before supper time and I was predigesting the evening shit for the kids," she recalled. "When I looked up at the TV I saw Bob there, and of course I was pretty excited. He started waving at me, and then, all of a sudden, SLAP! My whole world, my life, layed smashed across the back of Obama's left hand. And with 360 degree peripheral vision and hundreds of eye facets, it was impossible to look away."

Ever since the incident, Mrs. Vvzzvzwwzzz said she had been trying to piece her life back together.

"I just get paralyzed wondering how I'm going to raise my larvae for the next six days, alone, without any kind of support," she said. "Most days I just end up on the clung to the ceiling, numb and crying, eating a rancid bowl of Ben & Jerry's."